sohcVTEC-E Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 George W. Bush was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him,3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted (courtesy of the American Taxpayer, of course). The first kid says, "I want to go to Disneyland." George W. says, "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One." The second kid says, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's." George .W. says, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!!" The third kid says, "I want a motorized wheel chair w/a built in tv & stereo/headset!" Bush is a little perplexed (by everything, actually) by this and says, "But you don't look like you're handicapped." The kid says, "I will be after my everyone finds out I saved you from drowning!!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HONDA CRX 88 SI Posted August 23, 2006 Share Posted August 23, 2006 lol kinda funny kinda long to. here goes one to i hope u guys get i i hope u know every thing about donkeys well this guy walks in to a bar right then he goes up to the bar tender and ask why do u have a big jar of money he said. the bar tender said that jar of money is for who ever makes my donkey laugh. so the guy walks to the back of the bar and makes the donkey laugh. so he takes the money and the bar tender surprise. next week same guy walks in to the same bar theres another jar of money so he ask the bar tender why is there a new jar of money, bar tender said well who ever makes my donkey cry takes it. so the guys walks in to the back makes the donkey cry. this time the bar tender ask him how in the hell did u make it laugh then cry, no body has ever done that. the guy says well first i told him i had it bigger then him this time i prove it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sohcVTEC-E Posted August 23, 2006 Author Share Posted August 23, 2006 Haha good one man! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HONDA CRX 88 SI Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 yeah its good i got a whole load of jokes but yeah what happen to joe man i liked the threads he made. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TLontheDL Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a doctor." So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart." That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure. Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following: 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9) 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7) 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 5 If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better! Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sohcVTEC-E Posted August 24, 2006 Author Share Posted August 24, 2006 HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! threadjackers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Humphries Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 that be is funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SolLesHonda Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 TL's wins. Heard the others before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Humphries Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 i've heard TL's but none of the others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SolLesHonda Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 Who are you ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Humphries Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 john mcpeppers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sup Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer. Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?" The lawyer replied, "Of course, how much was the roast?" "$7.98." A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that read: Legal Consultation Service: $150 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CleanGSR Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 Ha.......that's perfect. I love it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TLontheDL Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So... what'll it be?" The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony." The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years.. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable." The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know - one that's considerate and fun, romantic, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, is good in bed, and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That is what I wish for...a good man." The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see that freaking map again." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sohcVTEC-E Posted August 24, 2006 Author Share Posted August 24, 2006 AAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SolLesHonda Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Lol. I love good jokes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mycarsux Posted August 25, 2006 Share Posted August 25, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.